“Al­ways count.”

The gag­gle of de­tec­tives and po­lice­men all stare at you in rapt at­ten­tion.

Ex­cept one. He thinks he al­ready knows every­thing. He whis­pers some­thing to the ju­nior de­tec­tive seated next to him, but is shushed–the ju­nior de­tec­tive is at least a lit­tle clev­erer than he.

At least clever enough to ob­serve the ob­vi­ous.

At least clever enough to no­tice y­ou star­ing right at the pair of them.

Time for a pop quiz.

“How many floor­boards were there?”

You de­cide your vic­tim shall be Law­ton. Stu­pid ar­ro­gant id­iot.

“Law­ton?”

He’s star­tled some­thing ter­ri­bly from his ren­di­tion of what must have been a ter­ri­bly hi­lar­i­ous tale to the poor ju­nior de­tec­tive, who looks like she’d rather be any­where but there.

He spins around, his nose col­lid­ing painfully with the ju­nior de­tec­tive’s ear.

Quite com­i­cal–es­pe­cially his round eyes. You did­n’t know eyes could open that far.

Per­haps they can’t. Would ex­plain the blood drip­ping from his eye­lids.

At least you’re amused. Per­haps it’s for the best; maybe you won’t be quite so hard on poor Law­ton now.

“How many floor­boards be­tween the car­pet and the door?”

“How many–what?”

You do not re­spond.

Si­lence.

Well, not si­lence. There’s al­ways so many sounds about. Air con­di­tion­ers. Peo­ple typ­ing in the next room. Breath­ing.

Not so much breath­ing at the mo­ment. They’re all hold­ing their breath.

You won­der if you should keep them in sus­pense un­til they pass out. Might teach them a les­son.

You don’t.

“Thir­teen. How many stuffed an­i­mals?”

A few more mo­ments of quiet, then some­one posits a guess that per­haps there weren’t any.

The oth­ers gain con­fi­dence. Of course not, they say. It was a boy’s room, they say. Then an­other ar­gues that his nephew had stuffed an­i­mals, and an­other points out the nephew’s only six, not six­teen like the vic­tim.

Then one hap­less soul talks about his stuffed-an­i­mal-col­lect­ing un­cle–”manly ones,” he says, but no-one be­lieves.

The dun­der­heads al­ways fo­cus on the wrong thing.

Enough. “Thir­teen.”

They all fall silent.

You con­tinue your quiz: “And how many pen­cils in the pen­cil holder?”

No an­swer. Then, some­one guesses: thir­teen.

“Con­firm. And how many lego pieces strewn on the floor?”

“Thir­teen?”

“Door­knobs?”

You look at Law­ton, who jumps to an­swer.

“Thir­teen!”

He’s so, pa­thet­i­cally easy. You stare at him.

He tries again, this time with a lit­tle less ar­ro­gant ex­cite­ment. “Three?”

You nod sharply. En­trance. Bath­room. Closet.

You look at them, wait­ing.

It’s all im­por­tant. The thir­teens, the threes, the fives, the sev­en­teens. Even the thir­teen thou­sand five hun­dred ninety-one grains of dust.

You won­der if that is a lot of dust. Or per­haps very lit­tle at all? Dust par­ti­cles are so small, so maybe thir­teen thou­sand would­n’t add up to much at all.

What­ever. You’re just happy it’s a prime num­ber.

You re­peat:

“Al­ways count.”